under trees and between leaves

Under trees and between leaves, I have found the best of friends. And, all I really want to say is Thank You to each and every one of You.

To those souls who have smiled, clapped and cheered me on. Thank You. To those who have answered my calls, listened and reminded me things I tucked away else where. Thank You. To the neighbors on my street and around the corner who check on me, assist me with heavy things, move my furniture and make sure I am okay. Thank You, truly. To the sweetest of souls, I have been surrounded by each and every day. Thank You. To my family. Oh, to my family + the cousins, I love. Thank You the most. To my yoga pals and tribe mates. Thank You. To the old friends who became new to me. Thank You...

To the friend who shared nachos and delish drinks with me tonight at the Cantina, I really Thank You. I am so glad we crossed paths in this little crazy world. You are a true soul... And, you are one of that Great Energy, too!

It feels so great to realize and understand the interconnections.

All I can do is Be. And, I am so glad for all of them just letting me.

Merci.
Kat.

Weeble's Wabble But They Don't Fall Down

At the end of my yoga class tonight, I quickly realized the feelings I brought into class were left somewhere within the floorboards. I walked into the space tired, cranky + annoyed for reasons I couldn't exactly place my fingers upon, but by 8:15 - that same energy was left in that room for the floor or walls to deal with!

And, I got to thinking, where does the bad energy go when you don't want it for yourself anymore?

We know that like seems to attract like. And, that some of us are much more sensitive to the levels of energy surrounding our souls. I am one of those folks. The bad stuff I picked up really wasn't something I necessarily caught today, but was most likely created from something stewing within. And, I wasn't awake enough to just shake it off.

But, I hope Miss Bad Energy stayed tight and hidden in those wood planks because I would feel awful if some chick caught it and brought it back to her place!

I made sure before I left class that I honored my fellow yoginis for sharing the space and their practice with me tonight. I honored their light and postive vibes that I seemed to steal on the way out! You see the more they pushed and perfected, the harder I looked within to find peace while practicing Supta Baddha Konasana.

In my world, I would like to believe that the little bad energy molecules slid off my mat and right under the floorboards. There, they joined forces into tight compacted balls of ickyness which soon then vanished when the studio closed shop and the last happy yogini floated out the door (once we were gone, they had no energy left to stay)!

There were too many smiles that left the room tonight that simply overpowered and outshined the dusty thoughts.

And, I was off make my dusty turnaround.

recharge me, please

The sound of the washing machine sloshing around closes an enjoyable weekend of laughs, drinks and interesting conversations...

I am purely exhausted and my body is mad at me for behaving the way I did. I need to crawl into bed + sleep. I have a really busy day tomorrow beginning much earlier than usual.

So, tonight I will share a Daily Om about undistracted energy...something I personally need to work on!

Undistracted Energy: Pure Thoughts (www.dailyom.com)

If we make no effort at all, our thoughts usually scatter in a vast array of directions. They start and stop and move in surprising ways from one second to the next. If we try to follow our thoughts without controlling them, we will be amazed at how truly inconsistent they are. Yet, if we apply our minds to a specific task, especially one that interests us, they gather together and allow us to focus our attention, creating great power and energy. This is what is known as pure thought, because it is undistracted.

The law of attraction—like attracts like—influences all energy, including our thoughts, and this is what makes pure thought so potent. Our undistracted thoughts create a powerful magnet that draws similar energy into our vibrational field. As a result, the longer we are able to hold positive thoughts in our minds, the more powerful the positive energy around us becomes. We don’t need to focus on action and controlling so much when we are surrounded by energy that draws what we want toward us. We can simply respond to the opportunities that naturally come our way. When this is the essence of our experience, we can go with the flow, knowing that we will be okay.

If pure thought is a body, it is our emotions that supply the heart that can really bring it to life. Our thoughts and feelings exist in relation to one another, and they form a feedback loop through which they communicate and empower each other. When we hold a thought in our mind without being distracted, we have achieved pure thought. When we have a positive emotional response to that thought, we enable it to dance and move and breathe itself into existence.

Universe + Me

I have a sleeping dog lying at my feet tonight. She really is the sweetest thing and she really warmed up to my friends. She snuggled up with Robin and his husband, Bobby, tonight during Project Runway... And, Javier has become the best snugglebug in bed. She is behaving differently and knows her place. Finally!

Things are so busy. Life is good. The house is all mine. Voila.

I am hosting 8 gals this weekend for massages and dinner in Philly...and a sleepover in 890 square feet!! I am excited. The first of the crew arrives Friday night...and, the basement needs a second coat of paint! Maybe tomorrow after yoga? This week has been packed full. It is so nice to have such amazing people in my life...

It feels good to keep moving. I also saw a colleague perform tonight and had drinks with another before the performance... Good connections + inspiration.

I feel a bit lighter and so much stronger. It has been a week of wonderful discoveries and many good words.

I am, exactly, where I am supposed to be and the universe has proved it to me.

xo,
kat.

Macy's + Me

I would like to sit and talk about my amazing friends tonight, but the wine has hit me and I am exhausted...

But, I do have enough in me to say thanks Robin + Bobby, my new most favorite neighbors for the wine, laughter, and pure ease... it is that simple! To think we landed on the same Swatts block one month apart over a year ago + I looked at your house! Tomorrow: Project Runway at my house 9pm. There is plenty of wine left! Or any night, just come and knock on my door!

And, on another note, I had a "major" modeling debut in the Macy's Annual Fund Report. I couldn't figure out how to link the picture. Go to this link and find page 10. It was all pure fun + coincidence (?) back in February 2008. They spotted me in the store and asked me to "pose" for them!

http://www.macysinc.com/Investors/vote/2007_ar.pdf

Simply amazed at life + the support I am receiving all over the place...
kat.

Ducks in a Row

Streamlining my life by parting with my past: Something we all do.

I spent most of today taking apart an Ikea wardrobe that I have absolutely no need for. At first, I stood there staring at it and scratching my head. I was thinking, how the hell does one take apart this piece? I mean, I didn't put it together and I didn't see any screws per se to dismantle the damn thing. I got a bit angry + frustrated. I did not want this. I did not want one bit of this. And, how was I going to get it two-flights down?

All of a sudden, I wanted the wardrobe out of my bedroom in the worst way...and, with it came all of the feelings: having to do everything all by myself, once again. Living alone + moving heavy ridiculous items was the haunt of this week. This was the second time I stood in front of something I just had to move at that moment + wondered, is this going to be the death of me?

But, I did it. I quickly figured it out as I always do...

I did get hurt a few times today. I don't like to ask for help. I didn't feel like asking any friends or calling my neighbors down the block who would have helped in a second. I wanted it done + I wanted it done, now. And, I wanted to do this by myself.

So, the wardrobe fell on me once. I screamed. I realized what happened. I yelled a few curse words, I bruised my knee and I just got angry. I took the hammer and began banging the back off so hard + felt the anger in me subside a bit. I banged out the frustration of being hurt, betrayed and totally lied to. I banged out the idea I created that my life was moving in the direction I wanted it to move in. I banged out the blame I have been putting on myself for things I couldn't control. I banged out the selfless ways in which I let another's life become more important than my own. And, when I was done, I ripped out each nail from those back pieces, carefully. I turned the music up louder and proceeded to make about 10 trips into the basement to stack the disassembled wardrobe pieces neatly in the corner. The whole process took a big chunk of time, but it felt amazingly good. My bedroom feels lighter and the sun appears brighter...

But here it sits in my basement. It is in perfect condition. (I didn't damage it with the hammer. I was, actually, legitimately taking off the back.) If you want it, you can have it. I just have no need for this piece. But, of course, I want it out now. I just hate to trash it.

And, the hole in my room where this once stood, will be filled with something I will want to look at each morning upon waking. I would love to find a chair and maybe make a reading nook of sorts.

This house + I have been changing together. We have been moved around + rearranged! We have boxed up the unnecessary and opened up the necessities. We have sorted, stacked and organized our thoughts...together.

My home means something totally different to me. It's all mine. I struggle each month to make the ends barely-barely meet, but she is all mine. I come home to her and Javier every night and we all take a deep breath + sigh out loud.

I am so proud of this accomplishment + the ones that have come with it. I am more thankful for the support surrounding this space.

Home ownership is amazing. I feel so adult-like on the brink of my birthday. And, I have a sneaking suspicion this year will be better than last... I can already feel the road slightly twisting down a path I once half-took, but never quite fully understood...

I am ready to standunder this canopy of understandings.

Quiet Thoughts

This evening after a much needed yoga practice, I wound up coming home and accomplishing a million odds + ends around the house, in record time, I might add!

And, I found "Quiet Thoughts" tucked away in a box.

This little leaflet book is from 1938 and was my Great Aunt "Jenny's" - Concetta Muscianesi - my grandfather, Giacomo "Jack's," sister. She passed away, gosh, over ten years ago. She was in her mid 90's and we never knew her real age. Her birth certificate burned in a church fire when she was quite young. We and she guessed she was about 95 (?) at the time of her death. She was the oldest living Muscianesi!

So this little find of mine was taken from her apartment in Brooklyn. My dad and I went up there one Saturday to President's Street and we went through her belongings and decided what to donate and what to keep.

I kept this...

Patience Strong, "Quiet Thoughts"
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Winifred Emma May (June 4, 1907 – August 28, 1990) was a poet from the United Kingdom, best known for her work under the pen name Patience Strong. Her poems were usually short, simple and imbued with sentimentality, the beauty of nature and inner strength. She was also a successful lyricist, composing the words to 'Jealousy' and 'The Dream of Olwen' and an author of several books dealing with Christianity and practical psychology.

But, what I really was intriqued by were the pages folded in the leaflet. Aunt Jenny ear-marked the following 5 poems:

Resignation
Determination
Nerve Tonic
Jig-Saw
Tears

Maybe I want to sleep on this as I am quite exhausted, but it makes me think about so many things tonight. I ponder her life, her hardships and her soul.

I found comfort in this tonight as I find comfort in a little black and white photograph I have of my aunt gently placed upon my hallway mirror...

It is all just a little reminder about the repetition of hardship. We all endure similar life struggles, and somehow manage to lift our spirits out of that quiet corner and into a familiar place of serentity + simplicity.

And, then, we start all over again.

Processions: Moving Forward

Ironically, weddings + funerals both have a procession where the family marks the beginning of the ceremony. They just represent two vastly different occasions.

I thought about this much during my long drive back to Philadelphia this evening. It was the procession that got me this weekend. It's the place where I just, emotionally, couldn't hold back any longer. Walking in behind my Aunt Barbara's casket with both my father and brother as pallbearers and my mom, sister and me walking with my uncle, cousins and other immediate family members - was so reality-heartbreaking. And, the tears really began. There were so many family + friends watching the process unfold and I couldn't seem to look one person in the eye. And, the loud church bells seemed to echo throughout the ceremony marking her ending. Or... beginning.

Funerals. They are what they are. The process in the Catholic religion is a long few days and can take a physical and emotional toll on your body. Between the various viewings and meal outings, somewhere in between, one has to learn to just roll with it. And, find a few laughs!

I was there for all of it. Giving what I could give and taking an immeasurable amount of stories back with me. And, some of them had us laughing hysterically. It's oddly comforting. There, we had a casket in the room with amazing flowers and love, and tons of people chit chatting and catching up.

It seems the Muscianesi's often meet at funerals + weddings!

My dad's cousin, Blaise (one of the three), told me a story about the butcher shop days... the good 'ol Brooklyn Muscianesi Meat Market. Apparently, we were protected + connected via The Gallo Family. I don't know which or who but our connection was nicknamed Birdy. Ironic, huh? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Gallo). My grandfather, Giacomo, his brother Giuseppe and their cousin Minic (Dominic)- all Muscianesi's - ran the shop. It was my grandfather's business that he inherited from his father. Blaise explained to me how Minic ran the "numbers" for the Gallo family and hid those numbers in a secret pocket in the fly of his pants. He was their bookie of sorts... So, the Muscianesi family ran numbers for the Gallo family out of the butcher shop. Oh man!

(The term "numbers" refers to any illegal lottery that was run by organized crime before the advent of statewide lotteries and other forms of institutionalized gambling. The task of "running numbers," or collecting lottery numbers from a loose collection of corner stores, bars, or grocery stores, was often delegated to rookie mobsters.)

Oh, my family...

But, the story that had me laughing was when my grandfather decided to take his family away for a week and left the butcher shop in the hands of Giuseppe and Minic. My grandfather worked really hard. He kept the shop going all hours and always had everything ready to go. He would keep his guys there until 10 pm on a Friday to make sure Saturday morning was a success. He didn't skip a beat. Specifically, there was to be no card playing (a favorite past time for the Muscianesi clan) and no early closings. Well, my grandfather decided to end the trip a few days early and popped in the shop only to find cousin Blaise, who was a young boy, hanging + flailing from one of the butcher hooks! His dad (Giuseppe) placed him up there by the back of his shirt (jokingly) and the men resorted to the back room to play cards. I guess the funny thing is I can totally picture my grandfather walking into this and just laughing out loud. My family is ridiculous and many laughs have been passed down the generational line...

With our bellies quite full from a 5 course Italian meal and a long two day process, we drove home Saturday evening in silent thoughts. That night found me sitting at the kitchen table drinking lots of wine and playing ten rounds of cards with my parents...

I know where our card playing comes from and exactly why we still do it. It seems this Muscianesi tradition is still so prevalent and I bask in the childhood memories of Sunday card games at my grandparents.

Up next; a Muscianesi wedding in 5 short weeks. And, my 32nd birthday.

Another procession I will walk in to keep me moving ever so slightly, Forward.

*(may you rest tonight, Aunt B.)

life lessons

it is always in the time of death that we remember how precious life truly is to each and every one of us...

i would like to take this time to say, tell those who mean the world to you, that they mean the world to you. i mean really. put down the devices, take time to listen, enjoy, and bask in the company of the people you already value to be a part of your universe...

life happens fast. death happens faster.

my aunt passed away yesterday morning from brain cancer. she was diagnosed in march and not given much time at all. it was discovered that late and that far gone...a 64 year old woman has left behind her husband of 40 years, a son + daughter and three grandchildren.

just like that.

it's sad + so heartbreaking and the next few days for my family will be very difficult.

and in that same hour of conversation with my dad, sister and brother yesterday morning, i found out that a very close family friend, merely 25 years old, was also diagnosed with brain cancer - all starting with a headache that would just not go away... she has to give up her apartment, her job in DC, her independence and move back home to fight this battle with everything she's got. tomorrow she starts her chemo + radiation (both at once) for 55 weeks. sadly, her father passed away from cancer many years ago and her mom is all too familiar with this battle up ahead. courtney is the youngest of 6 siblings... my heart goes out to all of them.

life.

just like that.

love the ones you're with...

tuesdays with kat.

the second day of the week began like every other day. i had my typical clothing crisis because nothing seems to fit the same. i changed about 5 times. it sounds silly, but it's getting stressful(l) because i am not fortunate right now to just go and buy a new wardrobe...

But, i have not felt this lean + strong in ages! oh yoga, i love you!

i visited a boutique about displaying + selling my earrings... looks good! as much as i fight everyday with the 50/50 split in boutiques and galleries, i may have to fold. my etsy site is slow moving and i have a ton of merchandise. it's time it moves off my cute clothesline in my studio and into public view even if that means i only make half as much. at least for now... i pulled the remainder i had left out of Mew Gallery (with two more sales) and would like to find maybe two other venues. my sister's store in Summit, NJ showcases items and i always do well there. i just gave her a bunch more... and i get full price! but, it's time for something else...

moving + shaking. well, at least for tuesday, that is...

my yoga class tonight was amazing. i got an "awesome, kat.!" for my crow pose balance but with one leg bent to rest on your knee and then, balancing on your forearms... hard to explain, but tough maneuver. yippy! progress is wonderful.

and, i thought about this tuesday....

the wisdom, delight, smiles, hellos, head nods, confusion, sadness, contemplations, sharing, respect, pushes, encouragement, whys, silence, anger, patience to impatience, joy and then, finally whimsical peace...

tuesday ended with pure peace. the way every yoga day does...

i worked really hard tonight. you know your ashtanga practice is good when your sweat somehow manages to go up your nose while in downward dog where for a second you feel like you might be underwater. yea, that good...

i was extremely soaked. tired. worn out. And, through it all, i found My Zen.

yoga has saved me in ways i have always understood it would. it has taught me a lot about my inner strengths, put my life in balance, brought unbelievable peace + acceptance, changed my diet majorly and brought me a few beautiful souls who have touched mine so deeply.

practice. i am doing it more than ever. it has brought me good karma + a lifestyle i forgot about for some time...

it's a big commitment, but i have been ready. and, this one has always been waiting in the wings.