the new moon + my moon flowers!

voila, we are in the new moon phase today! the moon faces almost directly towards the earth. it appears to be invisible to the naked eye as seen from down here on good ol' planet earth.

a new moon is said to bring a sense of calmness. specifically in yoga, this is the time for peace and reflection with work towards grounding our soul intentions. i guess the theory is that our bodies are made of 70% water and we are affected the same way by the moon, as are the oceans + tides. the new moon feeling is similar to the end of a nice long exhalation... ahhh. and after 4 straight days of practicing yoga on my mat, i definitely feel as if it could be a new moon!

time for new beginnings, new hopes, new goals, new challenges...

and, then, we have the irony of my very first sighting of my MOONflowers!



i finally saw the blooms tonight in my back garden! i planted these little seedlings back in april with the others, but have never witnessed the big fragrant 6 inch blooms until tonight. i actually could smell them from my kitchen window + sure enough i had 3 big while blooms facing the moon's direction. they are amazingly strong in sweet scent and before tonight, the blooms partially formed, but never made their way to opening up and shining their huge bodies.

funny how it all happens...

these flowers open literally in a matter of minutes, but they die in the early morning hours. (they are the complete opposite of my morning glories which open early in the morning and die by early evening).

i am happy to have witnessed their arrival.
i may just have to sleep under the stars with them tonight...

"Asato Ma Sat Gamayo"
lead me from the unreal to the real

the Last Lecture + me

i sat down tonight with national bestseller The Last Lecture by Randy Paush and highly recommend this read. the book was handed to me this weekend with the words, "you will truly enjoy it." and, i did. i cried, i wondered and i understood. in just a few short hours, i got it. i get it. and, yes, i did see his you tube post, but the book goes much further.

life is so short. i can easily admit i have been walking around with so many emotions + frustrations, compiled with the "why me" attitude that is only torching my soul and casting flames on others... this book may have altered my view for hopefully more than a few hours!

experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. aha! (pg. 148) and, experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.

that's my life. i have so many experiences to share. i sometimes sit back and look at this space and think, damn, i may have said too much or i can't hide anymore... i don't know who comes here to peek at my world. but, i do know this. this really is me. i have always been open + honest with my life and with the ones i share it with. i feel too much too much of the time, but i will share my thoughts on these experiences if it only helps one other soul. this is me.

i recently have been doing some soul searching career-wise and started creating a mental list of what is important to me. and, i realized how much i love to heal, help, console, communicate, understand; the people who step into my world. i pride myself in being sensitive + delicate with people because i understand how hard it all can be. because i am so open, i often receive that openness back and can quickly gain access into people in ways others just might not be able to. it is truly because i do care. and, i love to experience an experience.

so with that, i have been thinking about alternative healing and holistic medicine. i mean, duh, i am doing yoga more than ever, enjoying the practice for its healing effects and its soul expansions. i have taught yoga here and there and received rave reviews that made me smile very big! so yoga mixed with...

in the past few years, i have had a few people tell me i have "healing hands." and, i think about that a lot...

also, i have been saying out loud to many that i just want to work with my hands. and, i meant it literally. i like to make + do.

so, reiki. i may explore the practice of reiki. i have experienced it done to me and walked away a changed person. i understand the art of healing hands. i have touched souls to calm their minds and when i am in that spot, i know what i am capable of doing. i can share some of what i have learned. i can give some of this glow i receive when my mind + soul are clear. even if i can help one person understand the energy we carry and the energy we share.

because, i really feel it everyday even when i don't want to. something keeps giving it back to me...

let the journey begin; to share with others, these healing hands.

oh, my new bed is super cute!

lifted lotus + sorts

yep, i did Lifted Lotus tonight for the first time! it was very exciting, i must say. once i was able to get my legs successfully into lotus the lifting part was actually quite easy. wow, progress of sorts! and, i feel strong! ...my hip flexors are a whole different story. ouch.

my trip to annopolis was warm + filled with conversations-galore. kim and i worked on some ideas of what we want to be when we grow up and i think we are on a much clearer path! go us. i can't reveal any secrets just yet...

javier was adored by all the amazing neighbors. she has never received as many alcohol-induced french kisses before. kim's friend, rick, takes the lead on kissing compatability with my dog! man, her shirt even came off in one of their make-out sessions (javier is known to wear a shirt when she is a bit wound-up, but the friends all seemed to enjoy her naked!). thanks, All, for the tired doggy! J-dog even ran around fence-free and never strayed. my little girl is growing up right before my eyes...

things are busy.
life is busy.
my head is busy.

i am at a different emotional point than i was 6 weeks ago, but the one i am at now must remind me to stay focused on some peace + strength.

like Lifted Lotus!

dance, sing, floss + travel.

everything changes.

but I will do all four of the above just maybe not in that order!

this week graced me with three different yoga classes with three different teachers. i have not participated like this in some time... sitting here, i can smell the lingering incense + lavendar oil that graced my skin from this evening's practice. my body is physically exhausted, but in a thankful-you-did-it sort of way. ironically, the classes went in order of strength with the first being the easiest. it was a great week on the mat!

i feel blessed by the energy surrounding me that keeps me focused. blessed by the signs i keep receiving...grateful for the peace + quiet of only slight keystroke tapping and a humming fan.

i made travel plans for the upcoming weekend to a new spot where javier can actually join me. i am looking forward to the adventure + being on the road. i am anticipating good conversations, positive light and divine wines!

i am moving, shaking + twisting it up.

while all of this is going on, i do want to make an out-loud mental note to a dear friend who lost his mother unexpededly this week. my heart goes out to him. i hope he finds some peace this evening in his children's laughter and smiles...

"lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu"
may everyone everywhere be happy.
may the whole world be joyous.

namaste,
kat.

valentina florkowski

i smelled her house so strong today.

this has not happened in a while...

walking javier around south philly this evening, i felt and noticed so vividly the smell of my grandmother's home in brooklyn. i stopped in my path, took a deep breath + closed my eyes. i smiled big, acknowledged her presence and kept moving.

yep, that was her alright.

the moment was perfect and exactly what i needed as it reminded me; i am still not alone.

it took me back + brought me forward.

most recently, i was able to watch a film that Martin Scorsese created that was filmed in my gram's home months after she passed away. we had her house on the market and my parents were approached about using her home as part of their set. everything was left as it was... and the crew went in. then, in 2005 "Brooklyn Lobster" (www.brooklynlobster.com) was released. this is not the most amazing film, but good enough for me to see my grandmother's old furniture, curtains, kitchen wallpaper, various statues + pictures, decorative pillows, hall stairs: her life for over 55 years. this was the home i use to walk to from my house on coleman street
(http://tinyurl.com/5okyh7) every day and continued to visit until her passing...

memories are good. i have so many stories from our brooklyn life + travels.

oh, so good to feel her today!

FLORKOWSKI — Valentina (see Jakiun), of Brooklyn, NY, on November 13, 2004. Wife of the late Stanley. Devoted mother of Carol Muscianesi, Mary Kathryn Azzaro, Alan, Stanley and James Florkowski. Also survived by 15 grandchildren. Friends may call on Wednesday, from 2-4 and 7-9 P.M. in the DANCY FUNERAL HOME... A Funeral Mass will be offered Thursday at 9:30 A.M. in St. Thomas the Aquinas R. C. Church, Brooklyn. In lieu of flowers, donations to St. Jude Children's Research Hospita. Interment, Long Island. National Cemetery, Farmingdale, NY

xo,
kat.

falling in love

my toes touching ryan's soft piggies

ironically, the hormone oxytocin is produced naturally when we are in love or are being loved AND it is also released during yoga practice as you learn to love yourself and connect with your mind, body + spirit.

this lovely hormone speeds healing, reduces fears and calms the soul...which also helps people cope with their emotions by controlling their body's physical reaction to stress and fear.

now, i understand my Yoga Joy.

so, throw away those anti-depressants + roll out your yoga mat!

running my marathon

running.

every human being runs differently, but certain general features of running motion are common.

and, each leg's stride can be roughly divided into three phases: support, drive, and recovery.

i just do it backwards.

driving home tonight with the top down and the sky high, i was amazed at the breeze on the nape of my neck and the loud tunes in my ears. i sang and dreamt. i got a little lost in story and time. i looked at the clouds so magnificent and almost veered off the road! that photo up above did not capture the true sun rays as i was fishing for my camera. the sun kept setting faster each second. (i don't reccomend driving while picture taking as a safe activity!) but, damn, it was so beautiful. so alive. and, i felt small again in this really big place i am in...

you see, i have literally been running. not the kind that you do for exercise, but the kind you do to avoid staying still...

i am running. i am making plans. i am doing. i am meeting. i have been going every single weekend and my house and dog are yelling at me. the dog is lonely and my clothes are piled high.

for now, it might just be okay. i have mixed feeling about it quite honestly. my mind is restless. my heart is still a little full... and everywhere i run, i am still right where i came from...

today, i feel so grateful for my family. for the open relationships the florkowski and mucianesi's share... i called my aunt this morning and invited myself over for pool time and sunshine. it was exactly what i needed. we talked openly and warmly about life and family. we talked so honestly about love and committment. and the work it of it all. i really am so lucky for this rare communication within my whole family. sometimes, i truly forget. the florkowski side in me is amazed at how we can all reach and give to each other. and, then, do it all over again. no questions ever asked.

so, i decided it's okay if i am running. at least, running towards them. Because they can stop me, momentarily, remind me and shake the sense of it all right back into me.

so over and over. i may just have to run. while there is the potential for injury in running, there are many benefits.

i think i found mine.

lend me your hand

Sometimes I wish I could take all the people I love and place them in my back pocket for safe-keeping. I would know they were okay and close at hand. I could carry them throughout my day and talk softly to their souls... Tell them the world is sweet really and we can all be supportive as one.

My brother specifically. The one I don't talk about. He is not okay. We are not okay. And, I am scared for him more than ever. This time. And, I feel for his wife so much, the one he is about to lose who is heartbroken as she watches the man she fell in love with crumble in a downward spiral to places we can't really quite understand. And, she is lost in a country that she doesn't quite understand. I want to put her in my pocket the most and keep her the warmest. She is such a strong young soul...

The family is sad. My parents are distraught. I am afraid. I feel like I am 11 all over again and all we could do was pray something was watching over him that was bigger than any of us could imagine to bring him back home all the times he never came home...

And, I don't want to lose faith really. Because I really do believe in something Big, but I am worried this time there may not be a next time...

Some times. sometimes. so, me + time.

Sometimes, I wish I could take all the people I love and place them in my back pocket for safe-keeping.

I would know they were okay. And, close to my hands.

game

The concept:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

The Questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name.

wisdom + acknowledgement

my body has sort of settled in for the evening. i worked out the kinks and pains in an inversion style yoga class, but feel some new stresses on the body. but, with headstands and various upside down positions, i left feeling childlike and carefree! thanks holly. and, thanks for the magnificent foot spray you bedazzled us with while our legs perched on the wall! such a treat...

it's been a week. a week since i logged in. a week where i drove about 30 hours in under 6 days. a week portraying family love. a week sharing beauty in trees so vastly magnificent. a week of new friendship. a week of admitting slight fears + pain. a week of hidden tears. a week where i did sing out loud to more than just me. a week filled with amazing people. a week with a surprise call from ireland. a week where three different friends have told me they have specific blind dates for me. a week with confusion. a week where i realized my parents are the most selfless extraordinary people who rise to every occasion. a week where i have been tossed the idea of entering a story in a ny online magazine. a week where i gained much wisdom. and a week where i wondered if philadelphia + me are perfect together?

so lately i have been just listening. i mean really sitting with myself and understanding the secrets. i feel really healthy and aware. the unplanned weight loss helps me to feel a bit lighter on my feet and it also helps with my stomach issues. they seem to have vanished for now... maybe the stress of the last few months exasperated the issue (or the lack of eating is not such a bad thing for me? i mean really maybe i should just embrace smaller meals and grazing longer?) voila! my body feels good!

so, i keep listening to me alone and the things that keep coming my way. if i can stress one thing, i would say... learn to sit with yourself. hear what you have to say not just from your head + heart, but from those little minor pains or grumbles inside. it's not easy + quite scary, but you just might learn something. don't ignore them forever. they manifest and lodge in places for a reason. and, they will stay there until you actually acknowledge and accept.

try it. really.

it truly is the most amazing thing you can do for you... alone.

you might learn something big, and i can say "told you so!"